I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
