1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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