i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
