New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
