Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
