My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
