At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
