I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
