you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
