you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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