I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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