Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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