I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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