Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
