The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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