So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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