we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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