i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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