You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
