I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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