Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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