May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
