I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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