You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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