you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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