ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
