So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
