Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
