Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think your dad took our porno
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
