A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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