he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
