also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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