a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize