a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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