my sisters under your porch take her home
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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