Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
