ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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