Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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