she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
