And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
