I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
