The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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