i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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