ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
