I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Houston, we have a squirter
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize