Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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