I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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