You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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