i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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