I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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