she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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