I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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