Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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