I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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