You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
