fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize