my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
