guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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