All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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