Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.