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Are we in a gay sports bar?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Randomize
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