Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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