i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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