My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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