I wish my penis had an off switch
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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