i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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